


TRACK THREE 一 happy without me

by 00zens



Series: all about luv [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: ANGST!!!, Drinking, M/M, Partying, Platonic NoHyuck, bittersweet? ending, donghyuck is confused, first encounter after breaking up, other nct/wayv members mentioned, renjun is living his life... donghyuck doesn't know why it hurts, they talk for the first time in months
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:00:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23459773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/00zens/pseuds/00zens
Summary: "i know i told you that we'd still be friendsbut i see pictures of you smilingand i hate to see you happy without me."ORin which donghyuck encounters renjun for the first time since their breakup, and the only thing he can wonder is, why does it hurt so much?
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Series: all about luv [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1670110
Kudos: 26





	TRACK THREE 一 happy without me

**Author's Note:**

> this one hurt to write ... mostly cause i have definitely been in donghyuck's shoes. i kind of wrote this (especially the ending) as what i wish i had known and what i wish people had told me when i went through it. enjoy :]

donghyuck felt like time had stopped. it was like his soul had instantly been sucked out of his body, with the way his heart fell to the lowest part of his stomach. his legs felt wobbly before he had even gotten his hands on a red solo cup filled with whatever alcohol johnny had managed to buy.

the reason? he saw _him_. on the other side of the room, swaying his hips to the beat of the song blasting through the speakers was huang renjun. his ex-boyfriend, as of a few months prior.

donghyuck didn’t think it was going to hurt this much. hell, was it even _supposed_ to hurt this much? considering the time it had been since they parted ways, the younger was confused at the pain he felt in his chest.

it wasn’t even that they had ended on bad terms. donghyuck knew it had been the most painless breakup he’s ever gone through, not that he had gone through many in the first place. but that didn’t mean there weren’t nights where he went to bed missing renjun, wishing he could wake up to the boy’s usual cheerful smile and kiss on the forehead before he left for his classes.

watching the boy on the other side of the room having the time of his life with a group of boys donghyuck didn’t recognize made the younger feel sick. the only thing he was feeling at this point was the want一 or the _need_ to get absolutely wasted.

the boy was startled when he turned around and was immediately met with jeno, who he had come to the party with in the first place.

“woah there, hyuck. you sure you’re not already drunk?” jeno teased, looking down at the boy who was rolling his eyes playfully in response. 

the older handed donghyuck a cup, which he immediately took a sip of. the sting it left down his throat caused him to scrunch his face up, eliciting a laugh from jeno. 

“what are you drinking?” donghyuck asked jeno. 

“just water,” jeno replied before taking a sip. “don’t really feel like getting drunk. so if you wanna get shitfaced, be my guest. i’ll be designated driver.”

donghyuck grinned at the boy before nodding happily, gulping down more of whatever was in his cup. he could already feel the effects of the alcohol in his system, mind racing as he felt the tension in his body slowly fade away.

the next hour or so was a blur for donghyuck. 

he didn’t know what jeno had mixed up for him in his cup, but it had him tipsy after a short period of time. the boy was currently in the middle of the crowd, swaying slightly to the frank ocean song that was blasting. his tanned skin was glowing under the cheap fluorescent lights johnny had thrifted, a visible layer of sweat on his forehead causing his messy hair to stick to his face. 

donghyuck turned to the side, seeing jeno watching him by the wall as he chatted with doyoung. after shooting the older a small smile, donghyuck moved out of the crowd, the body heat getting too much for him.

he let out a sigh of relief at the somewhat fresh air he got. donghyuck felt as if time had stopped for the second time that night as he looked straight ahead of him.

there he was again. huang renjun, a big grin on his face as he laughed at something hendery said. even with the song playing through the loud speakers, donghyuck felt like he could hear the older’s laugh ringing through his head. it was a sound as familiar to him as the sound of his own breathing. making renjun laugh had been donghyuck’s favorite thing to do.

“oh!” donghyuck suddenly heard. his eyes widened, realizing who the exclamation was directed towards. he smiled through gritted teeth, knowing there was no way out of the conversation he was being brought into.

“jaemin, hey!” donghyuck responded, bringing the younger in for a friendly hug.

as they pulled away, his eyes immediately zeroed in on renjun, who still held a kind smile on his face.

“ _god help me._ ” donghyuck thought, wondering what he had done to deserve this tonight. he felt that there was no amount of alcohol that could’ve prepared him for this moment.

renjun was the first to say something. “donghyuck! it’s been a while.” 

the younger put on the best smile he could before replying. “oh yeah, totally. how have you been?” donghyuck silently cursed at himself for leading them into further conversation.

“i’ve been really good! everything’s going really well right now, it feels almost unreal.” the corners of renjun’s mouth curled up in a smile. it really looked as if the expression was glued onto his face. “how have you been?”

donghyuck watched as hendery whispered something into renjun’s ear before grabbing jaemin’s hand and leading the boy away. his eyebrow quirked up in confusion, causing renjun to chuckle.

“hendery needed to use the bathroom. he always has one of us go with him at parties, it’s a thing.” he explained.

donghyuck nodded in acknowledgement before remembering the boy’s question. “oh, well i’ve been doing alright. classes have been kind of a pain in the ass, but i guess that’s expected from college, isn’t it?” renjun only smiled in response. “ah, lee donghyuck. you haven’t changed, have you?”

donghyuck wished he could disagree.

the next ten minutes were painfully long for the boy. he could feel his heart pounding in his chest, feeling like it was on the verge of breaking. as much as donghyuck wanted to run away, his feet were planted to the ground and he continued to converse with renjun. that is, until the older pointed something out.

“donghyuck,” he rested a hand on the boy’s shoulder gently. “angel, you’re crying.”

donghyuck gasped quietly, lifting his hand to wipe the tears falling from his eyes. the pet name that had fallen from renjun’s mouth only seemed to cause more to form.

“i一 i’m sorry.” donghyuck breathed out. “i don’t know why i’m crying, i just一” he rambled.

“hey,” renjun looked into his eyes worriedly. “hey, you’re fine. don’t apologize.”

the caring tone in renjun’s voice only caused donghyuck’s vision to blur further and his hands to shake harder. “i, um, i’m sorry i have to go it’s just一 it was nice catching up, i’m sorry i don’t know what came over me but i just一 yeah i’ll see you around.” donghyuck spewed out random words before standing from the stool he was leaning on, mind cloudy.

renjun was left to stand there alone, watching the younger walk away in confusion and worry.

there were only two thoughts on donghyuck’s mind. one, find jeno. two, get the fuck out of here.

donghyuck tried his best to recall which wall jeno said he’d be waiting for him at, his current sense of direction incapable of leading him where he had to go. it took him a few seconds to clear the blur that his tears caused, but afterwards he was finally able to spot his friend talking to jaehyun.

“oh donghyuck, there you are.” jeno smiled. his expression immediately dropped seeing the state his friend was in. 

“can we go home, jen? please?” donghyuck asked weakly, feeling like his legs were seconds from giving out under him. the older nodded quickly, bidding a quick goodbye to jaehyun before grabbing donghyuck’s hand gently and leading him out the door.

the fresh air hit donghyuck suddenly, assisting the boy in temporarily halting whatever emotional breakdown was about to hit him.

jeno walked them to donghyuck’s car, getting the boy into the passenger seat before quickly moving to the driver’s side and getting in. he didn’t start the car, instead he turned in his seat and grabbed donghyuck’s shaking hands in his.

“what happened, hyuckie?”

that question alone was enough to cause donghyuck to cry again. his grip on jeno’s larger hands tightened as the tears flowed freely, the boy not fighting them. he silently cried into his lap, jeno bringing one of his hands up to rub donghyuck’s back comfortingly while leaving the other in the boy’s grip.

after a few moments, donghyuck spoke up. “i spoke to renjun.”

jeno’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “oh.” 

“i saw him, i wasn’t sure if you had. did he do or say anything?” the older asked.

donghyuck shook his head before rising it slowly, resting in on the back of his seat. “that’s the thing, i guess. he was still so… him. exactly the guy i fell for. he’s doing so fucking well, and i can’t help but feel hurt by that. what一 why is this happening to me? it’s been almost three months, jen.”

jeno frowned at the state of his best friend. rubbing his thumb softly over donghyuck’s smaller hands, he responded. “you guys were together for almost two years, hyuck. your last year of high school and almost your whole first year of college. those are important times. you’re allowed to feel attached. we just have to work on getting rid of that.”

the younger laughed bitterly. “can i, though? god, for those two years one of the only things keeping me going was him. we ended on good terms, we agreed to be friends, but i can’t help but wonder if it’d be better if we were enemies now, or something like that.”

a few seconds of silence passed before donghyuck spoke again. “i’m just tired, jen. he can move on, why can’t i? he’s living his life, happier than he was our whole relationship, when i can barely get up in the morning to make toast for breakfast.”

“listen,” jeno thought carefully before responding. “i’m not saying it’s exactly healthy for you to be this caught up, okay? cause it’s not, that’s just the truth. but it is understandable. two years can’t fade within a few months, hyuck. it’s gonna be hard, but you just have to get through it slowly. i’m right here. i always will be. i’ll help you, but you have to let yourself be helped.”

donghyuck’s eyes began to well up again at jeno’s words. he sighed heavily before nodding and shifting in his seat. he leaned forward and engulfed jeno in a tight hug, which the older gladly accepted.

“thank you, jen.” donghyuck whispered softly. jeno pulled away and looked into donghyuck’s eyes, wiping the tears away from under them. “anything for you, always.” he smiled.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :p i procrastinated veeery bad writing this one... i hope it didn't turn out too bad considering a majority of it was written past 1am :p please feel free to leave kudos/comments! my twitter is @renminsung, let's chat there :D u can dm me, u can leave me ccs, u can mention me in a tweet, whatever is fine! see u next week ^^


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